This May, I celebrated three lovely years of sobriety. And when I say lovely, I’m not just blowing smoke. I don’t feel as though I’m a changed person, but rather that I’m a recovered person. I haven’t lived in the natural state of sobriety since I was a kid. I live each day being fully present, completely aware of my world. Nearly every minute detail of it (except when my thyroid is underperforming or when I’m anemic, which happens from time to time). I don’t miss drinking. Really. Truly. Not kidding. And as time goes by, I think less and less about it. When I go to parties or get-togethers now, I rarely, if ever, feel like I need to bring my own arsenal of N/A beer. Whatever soft drink is being served is usually just fine for me. Because I’ve completely lost my preoccupation with what other people are drinking. I remember obsessing about this, once upon a time. Without realizing it, I counted how many drinks other people were having. I made a mental inventory of all the alcohol at any given social gathering I attended. I’m not sure at what point I stopped doing that, but I can tell you that it is a relief not to give a shit anymore. Here’s my current criteria for the beverages I consume:
- Is it morning? The drink must contain caffeine.
- Is it hot as hell outside? The drink must be cold.
- Is is freezing outside? The drink must be hot.
That pretty much sums it up. I mean, of course I have preferences and what-have-you. But I have found that I am far more focused on other things now. Like my garden, protesting our current president, the Red Sox, kayaking, the ocean, eating as much seafood as possible until summer is over, you know, LIFE.
I haven’t been to a meeting since the beginning of the year. I miss them. I miss my sober community. But whenever I realize that I haven’t been, it’s like, the day after my regular meeting and I sort of forget by the time it rolls around again. I’d like to change that. I need to be reminded of who I am every so often and how easily I can fall back to that. I also enjoy being of service, particularly to the incredbily brave newly sober folks.
Anyway, I thought I would post even if all I have to report is that I have nothing to report. Because that is honestly the best kind of reporting.
I hope everyone is enjoying their lush, sober lives!